Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
