I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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