You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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