i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
