I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
