he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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