If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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