sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
