Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
