I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
