well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You have to summon your inner elephant
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
