I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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