Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
