last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
