i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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