It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
