you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
