I think scott just propositioned me for sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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