remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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