So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
