I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
