Will you blow on my dice?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
