So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
