All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
