Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
