About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
