I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
