I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
