oh god the rape fog is back!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
