Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
