"it" just moved
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
