you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
