I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
