There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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