Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
