I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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