when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
