I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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