So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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