Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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