Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you would pick up someone in the library
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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