do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
