I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
