well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
