Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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