So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
