She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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