Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
