Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
