Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
